special. one word to describe how i feel. i went for another job today, and nailed it. which makes me happy. i am caught in a transitional period in my life. no not menopause, i'm too young for that. its like life wants me to do one thing, and i want to do another. its funny how things never go as planned in my life. ever. everything that i usually plan that's long term, just kinda finds a way to become...."unplanned". and i never really know why. so i just usually shrug it off, and it happens again. i have been thinking because the apartment thing isn't really working out. although this is what i have earned. i really don't feel like i am home. its strange. kyle keeps telling me to get a job there. i want to. but there are some things that i want to get done with here first. i want to go to college, and become something. instead of being like everyone else and not doing anything. i have been lazy enough in my life, and i think that's why i keep being handed shit. in every case. untimately, i want to do things for myself. because i will feel better about them, and its just i need to do this for myself! i have to help my grandma move some things. my stepmother is strange. she yelled at my grandma, and for those who know my grandmother, know that's she's so kick ass. and yeah, i don't like people fucking with her. so i am on the verge of saying something to her. i don't know how someone with a condition like that could be a 4th grade teacher. there's no way. ugh. anyway, hopefully things are starting to look up, instead of down. kyle wants to move to canada. i told him that i am totally down with that. hah! canada? its better than here. i just want to get away. period. well this is it.